Write Now Prompt: My Anti-Resolutions

WriteNow! Prompt

I’m loving this week’s prompt from WriteNow! The prompt is:

Your 10 Anti-Resolutions:

  1. List ten things you resolve NOT to do in the upcoming year.
  2. Be as creative as possible.

So here are my 10:

10. I resolve to not take a petition for the banning of Dihydrogen monoxide to an eco-rally to prove that they will sign anything if they think it’s against “the man” (even though I guarantee I can still fill page after page).

9. I resolve not to inadvertently call 911 when engaged in any criminal activity, or just drunk off my keister.

8. I resolve to not have a mid-life crisis and live out my childhood fantasy of ramping the General Lee over a river, pond, creek, or any body of water, up to and including puddles.

7. In that same vein, I also resolve to not buy an overweight basset hound, name him Flash, legally file to change my name, and run around referring to myself in the third person as Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane, trying to capture myself while in “hot pursuit”.

6. I resolve to not slap anyone while they are sleeping with a fish or any other non-pork product.

5. I resolve not to expose various small (or large) animals to radiation in hopes that a bite will somehow give me superpowers (or rabies…most likely rabies).

4. I also resolve to not flush any baby alligators or crocodiles down the toilet just to prove all the naysayers about giant alligators in the sewers wrong.

3. I resolve to not go around pile-driving various politicians for acting like idiots with a stunning lack of a sense of irony. DDT…maybe.

2. I resolve to not do anymore anti-resolution lists because these are more difficult to come up with than I thought they would be.

1. I resolve to not welcome our new Chthonic Over-Lords without giving everyone a heads-up first.

***

Hope you enjoy.

Happy Reading and Writing!

J. Milburn

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5 thoughts on “Write Now Prompt: My Anti-Resolutions

  1. πŸ™‚ Thanks for starting my New Year with a smile. Marie

  2. Sounds like there’s a story associated with #6, or maybe a cultural reference I’m missing? And I especially liked #1.

    • For #6, if you follow the link you should find a story about a woman charged with assault for slapping a man while he was asleep with a fish. For some of these I just tried to find some of the most absurd stories I could πŸ˜‰

  3. The Dukes of Hazard-related ones made me smile. I remember watching the show as a kid (mostly because my brother had the TV remote and he was bigger πŸ™‚ ) Still, I thought it would be fun to give the car a spin- or a jump! Best to you in not inappropriately calling 911, slapping someone with a fish, or harming animals during the attempted acquisition of super powers – and all of your other anti-resolutions. You’ll be a better for it πŸ™‚

    • I loved the Duke boys (pronounced Doo-ka) when I was little. I’m probably just an all-white suit with cowboy hat from being a giant Boss Hogg πŸ™‚ Now that I know it’s a thing, I think the slapping someone with a fish may be the hardest to resist. Especially when my teenager is taking his time getting out of bed πŸ˜‰ Thanks, Janna!

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